What November 8th means to me

November 8th is just an ordinary day. Too early for Christmas decorations, although I have just seen my first! And no more fireworks!

November 8th is also my second son’s birthday. My second son is called Dusty Wignall, I know, cool name. Dusty was born asleep in the early hours of November 8th although for the life of me I cannot remember the time, which makes me sad.

Dusty was perfect, he had dark hair and the tiniest finger and toe nails. He was two pound one ounce. As soon as he was born he was wrapped up in a blanket and placed on my chest as all new born babies are.

We smelt him, kissed him, our tears fell on his face and we told him all about how his life would have been in our little family. We spent twelve hours with Dusty that day and ouronly walk with him was from the maternity ward to the mortuary where we had to hand our second son over to never see him again.

That was 2013. Each November 8th is different each year. Some years I cry all day, other years, I shed a few tears at night when I go to bed.

I’d like to share this year’s November 8th with you, which is today. I wake up and lean over and kiss Adam (my husband) and say Happy Birthday to Dusty. We have a cuddle then I hear the screams from our other two sons, Ted, 7yrs and Albie, 5yrs (aka The Stinks) having an enormous fight.

I go downstairs and spilt them up and make them eat breakfast from each side of the lounge not looking at each other, then go on to find undies, socks and uniforms. They are in aged 8 and aged 6 clothes so very often in a morning they go off with each other’s undies and uniforms on. This morning was no different as Ted’s undies did seems bit snug!

Once dressed they continue to fight and in my morning stress I shout, “I can’t believe you are fighting on baby Dusty’s birthday .” Ted, “sorry Mummy.” Albie, “no it’s not his birthday,” Dusty would have been six and I’m under no illusions that he wouldn’t be stuck in, fighting too.

Then I feel guilty for saying this, as they can’t understand. So, I (try) give them extra cuddles, whilst Albie tries to pull away, and beat myself up about being a bad mum.

In the car all set, I feel alright. I’m ok today, I think no tears. My best friend phones me but I miss her call. I ring her back as I know she is ringing to ask if I’m ok, I get her answering machine so I proceed to tell how I am fine and then start crying, blubbering into her answer machine. 😪

I pull myself together and remember I have a nice day planned out for myself. I have booked the day off work and am going to do nice things today.

Starting with a network event which is recently all new to me. I have written a book about Dusty and other things and have started to do inspirational talks. I struggle with the word inspirational. I am just doing what anyone else would do. Life has to go on and you can’t let yourself go under.

Anyway, I attend the network event and end up walking around the hotel trying to find the event. I’m terrible with reading the details, like the location of said events. When I eventually get there I had a lovely morning talking to new people and made some good connections, I think. 🤔

I leave to go out for lunch for my cousin’s birthday and on pulling out of the car park drive straight into a metal barrier. Really!!! I only had the damage fixed last month where the last barrier attacked my car. Well this damage is going to have to stay till after Christmas as there are no spare pennies. 🎅So I just won’t wash my car for the next couple of months, like I need an excuse.

Lunch was lovely, although I ate too much and then remembered I had booked myself in for a full body massage at 2pm where I was going to have to lie on belly which was now nicely rounded and full of food. 🤰

I get to the massage place and drank a load of water to try and diffuse my food baby. My massage was lovely although the relaxing music kept stopping which was slightly distracting, but hey it was on a special offer so can’t complain too much.

As the lady gets to my feet I remember I have three week old red nail polish on about six nails. Which now I’m really embarrassed about, but I’m sure she’s seen worse.

I get dressed, semi relaxed and feel very muggy, must be the oils. On arriving home I realise I have caught Adam’s bug that he has been complaining about for the past week and I have just ignored. 🤢

I’m supposed to going watching Adam Djing in a club, 🕺 as the lads are having a sleepover at my mums. Adam and I both work in the police but this year have decided to follow our dreams, hence the DJing. He starts DJing at 10pm till 3.30am. I am usually in bed at 9pm and asleep at 10pm so the thought of it wasn’t too appealing in the first place. Also, I am on day 311 of one year no beer so standing in a club sober is also no longer my idea of a fun night out. I’ve not yet found my replacement of a fun night out without alcohol, but I’m sure I will.

So now I’m writing this in scruffs with a cup of hot lemon and honey and I will be going to bed very shortly.

I am thinking that I have done alright today. Another November 8th finished and I’m ok.

You’ll never seen the rainbows if you walk with your head down- Look for the Rainbows!!! 🌈