Irene WignallI would class myself as pretty hard. Not in the’ cock of the school’ sense or hard- faced but in a way that I can cope with most things that are thrown my way.
I may initially have a wobble and contemplate getting in my car with my toothbrush and a spare pair of knickers and driving till I run out of petrol (which incidentally as my petrol gauge is usually on empty probably wouldn’t be very far), but within minutes I have calmed down and have a plan.
However my biggest fear is the stinks’ (Ted 9 and Albie 7) growing up without a mum. I know it sounds a tad dramatic. But there it is- the thing I fear most.
I’ve had a couple of brushes with death. The first one being mid labour with Ted and I contracted Sepsis. Due to the gas and air, the severity of it bypassed me and I didn’t comprehend the enormity of it until a few months afterwards. But I was okay and I was still alive so I didn’t overthink it (which is not like me!)
Then again, a few years later when I had brain surgery to remove a tumour. I had every faith in the surgeons but there’s always a risk and I didn’t think about it or allow myself to think about it till the night before surgery. (Cue- back to overthinking!)
I remember standing in my kitchen with my mum and she said “Whatever happens Irene, I will make sure the lads are happy.” And that is all I have ever wanted for my sons, for them to be happy.
But that night it got me thinking. My stinks have got their dad, my husband, Adam. He is a great dad, his speciality is helping/ doing their home learning models, playing on their computers with them (as I haven’t got the patience) and going crabbing. But he’s not me.
When my stinks are poorly they want cuddles from me. When they are upset at being called names, they want me. When they arrive home with the school newsletter they hand it to me. When they want to pull a fast one they do it with me.
I decided to start writing a list in case I died;
• Albie only wears pyjama bottoms.
• Ted likes to listen to his audiobook with me for fifteenminutes before he goes to sleep.
• They both like a three course breakfast.• Tomato ketchup needs to be on the side on their plates not on their food.
• Albie likes hotdogs, one with ketchup, one without.
• Ted likes dry toast , Albie only likes real butter but make sure you cover all the surface including corners.
• Albie likes cuddles in bed only with the fan on as he gets too hot.
• They both like relaxing music playing when they drop off……
As the list was getting long, I considered writing them a letter? But how do I write a letter that includes all eventualities for the rest of their lives without coming across like a mad women?
Covering topics like, what to do if you get dumped, what to do when you wake up with a massive pimple the morning of the school disco, what to do if you crash your dad’s car.
Should I do a video for each year of their lives, but I haven’t got time and I would only be guessing what they are going through using my life as a guide and I’m hoping they are more sensible than I was. I couldn’t do joint ones as they are both so different and I would want to give them different advice. It was now 1am and my surgery was at 7am.
I contemplated doing a post across all my social media saying if I died the Stinks would need cuddles so any mums out there who saw the stinks please give them a cuddle. But then I realised random people in the street coming to hug them could scar them and have an adverse effect.
As the time for surgery was drawing ever closer, I had to reside myself there was nothing I could do at that moment in time, other than hope everything would be okay.
And hope that the people who I’d chosen to be part of the Stinks lives would be able to cover all of the above and more and the Stinks will have inherited some of my own resilience and are capable to handle any eventuality with or without me. Preferably with me!
